Winter Solstice Morning – how to stop killing your hopes and dreams

winter-sunrise-582This morning the new sun appeared on the horizon. It is the sun that will carry us through to midsummer.

The Celts stayed awake all night to honour the dark time when the old sun dies (often through very bitter weather) and to watch the new sun arise on the horizon.

The new sun is a faint glimmering sun not the full sun that arises on the horizon. Often this sun will be shrouded in cloud and not seen, only felt as the light comes and a new day dawns. As it did this morning and most of us were still deep in our dreams.

For the Celts this new sun brings with it the hopes and dreams of what is to come. The seeds that were planted in the ground in the autumn are already beginning to grow and take root  – as our own hopes and dreams.


We need to nurture and care for our hopes and dreams as we would a new born baby

They symbolised this new sun as the Mabon Child –  it is tender and new as new born child and needs to be nurtured and cared for.

Isn’t this how it often feels. It feel like our hopes and dreams for the coming year, however strong they feel inside us and how much we want them to be fulfilled, they are still tender and new.

Like a new born baby we must nurture and care for them, and just like with a new born babe we watch with wonder for every little sign as this child begins to grow.

We don’t say why has this child got so little hair, surely that’s a bad sign, this child is never going to have any hair? Those fingers are so tiny how are they ever going to carry anything, or those feet are so small how are they ever going to run? Photo Source

And yet this is often what many people do with their own hopes and efforts to bring change into their lives. When in fact they are just like a very child who can’t yet reach an object and cries with frustration because he can’t yet do what he wants to do. Unlike the child, who will continue to strive to reach that object until there comes a time when he can, many people give up on their hopes and desires. Worse they deem them as failure and decide that they can’t or they are the sort of person that shouldn’t even try.

When we do this we kill our hopes and dreams before they’ve even started to take root. We would never do this to a seedling we are trying to grow – and we certainly would never do it to a new born baby!

Are you killing your hopes and dreams before they have a chance to grow? If it is confidence you are trying to build, a quality that even for the most confident people has a tendency to go up and down, then you will need to be even more patient with yourself. Lasting confidence will grow, if you make it your priority and if you do the work that is required. 

What are you going to give birth to?

Often it not possible to see or feel the changes that are beginning to take root in you.

This new winter sun is shy, and it is just wanting to make sure that there is safe place for it to fully shine its light. Every day that light will get a little stronger and it will shine a little longer.

For all those of you who have just gone through my courses, the changes you have made over the last few months are just like the new winter sun. It is shy and still finding it feet, and you will feel shy at times, aware that you have made changes, but can you truly step into them? However just like the new winter sun and the Mabon Child, day by day your confidence with get a little stronger and you will allow your light to shine a little brighter.

The Mabon Child is also the Magical Child, and this child has already been born in you this morning. The Celts welcomed the new sun and the Mabon Child with celebrations, songs, poems and feasting. How are you going to celebrate the arrival of your Magical Child? What are you going to give birth to through this child in the coming year?


The Magical Child will enable you to reach for the stars and achieve you deepest dreams

The Magical Child is alive in everyone, whatever age you are. Is it alive in you? Or are you wrapped up in seriousness and the cares of the world or the challenges you are facing?

The Magical Child will actually help you to get through those challenges. It will lighten up your world. It will enable you to play and out of the play, you will be able to reach to the stars, to the dreams you never thought you could achieve.

And in the process you may need to let go of all the disappointments, the failures, the fears and anything that is standing in the way of you achieving your deepest longings for yourself.  Indeed they had their part to play, yes even the most embarrassing and devastating moments, because in truth they are all part of that fulfillment that is still to come

Celebrate the Magical Child in you today.

© Claire Schrader 2015

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Making Moves on Sky TV

Making Moves on Sky TV

How to stop shyness from ruining your life

Making Moves was on the Chrissy B Show – “How to stop shyness from ruining your life” – SKY TV (channel 203) on the 10th June at 10pm.

I was interviewed along with two very brave Making Moves participants by Chrissy B and shared their story of their painful battle with shyness. See this 12 minute edited version of the programme.

Huge thanks also to the four other participants  who accompanied me to the Chrissy B Show’s studios in Finsbury Park and took part in a demonstration of what happens on one of my courses. The bulk of this ended up on the cutting room floor. I cannot thank you all enough for your incredible courage and willingness to expose yourselves in this way – and for the many other people who came forward to participate. I am deeply grateful to all of you.


Here is the full version with lots of useful and surprising information about shyness – 45 minutes.

Chrissy B PinkThe Chrissy B show is an upbeat, positive show that explores a very wide range to topics around mental health – in the widest meaning of the word – and addresses topics that are rarely aired on TV.


© Claire Schrader 2015

If there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment her on our facebook page. Your comments will inspire others.

Want to break free? Join one of my upcoming confidence courses and overcome your battle with shyness.


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ARTICLE: They fuck you up your Mum and Dad

How to free yourself of the baggage you carry from family and discover the real purpose that your family have had in your life.

They fuck you up your mum and dadAre you dreading being with your family this Christmas? Are you already getting that sinking feeling in your stomach.

You’re going to have to be nice to people who made the most enormous mess of your life. All the confidence you’ve built, the successes in your life, seem to mean nothing when you are with your family.

You still feel like that small boy or girl that was angry and powerless

You are back there again feeling angry and powerless and very small just like you felt when you were a child. Even your voice sounds like your child’s voice.

You hate feeling like this and try as you might you can’t seem to claim that adult part of you.  It’s as if you are existing in some shadowy land which feels stuck and painful – and where the light never shines.

You wish you could escape – but you’ve got days more of this. Any moment something’s going to the break – and it’s not going to be pretty.

The trouble is that you probably aren’t going to break, explode, go crazy or tell your family exactly what you think of them. As much as that voice inside you wants some form of justice for the terrible things you endured with this group of people, you know that if you do express the rage you feel it will probably rebound on you – and the consequences may lead to even deeper problems. In spite of how far they might press you, you instinctively know it is best to bite your tongue and keep quiet.

Emotional Stress at Christmas

And that also will mean that you will go away feeling terrible. All that unexpressed emotion will fester within you, until you find some way of getting rid of it. Perhaps that’s why we  have a knees up at New Year – and let everything hang out – it’s to get over all the emotional stress we have endured over the Christmas period.

Christmas and Heart Attacks

They fuck you up your mum and dadWhen I worked as a nurse in the casualty department, on Christmas day the Emergency Room was overflowing with people with had suffered heart attacks.  On Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve it was completely empty. Not a heart attack to be seen. This I was told happened every year. There is a huge surge in deaths on Christmas and Boxing Day.

Christmas is a very stressful time for numerous reasons – but emotional stress is high up on the list. It is no accident that this afflicts the heart for many people – because the heart is where we often feel the pain of the issues with our family . When you feel that something is going to break, it probably is your heart. No one can effect you quite like your family, no group of people can mess you up quite like your family and no one can hurt you quite as deeply as your family can.

They fuck you up your mum and dad

They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad. They may not mean to, but they do.” Philip Larkin

Philip Larkin’s famous poem strikes a chord for many people.  As one appreciator of this poem said, “Out of all the poems (in four different languages!) that I’ve learned by heart at school, this is the only one that I can still recite in its entirety.” And perhaps this is the same for you.

Written in 1971, it has fans amongst those who have no idea who Philip Larkin was and have no affinity for poetry. There is something refreshing about it’s simple honesty of this poem which is even more relevant today. Here is Larkin reading his poem seemingly in a bored monotone. He was an extremely quiet and reserved man who avoided the spotlight.

They fuck you up your mum and dadThere is no training course to be a parent

Larkin is right. Most parents don’t mean to make a mess of your life. There is no qualifications for being a parent and most parents either do what their parents did to them, or react to the mistakes their parents made and in so open up a whole new can of worms.

Indeed the conditions in which many people enter parenthood are far from ideal and many parents don’t really know what they’re letting themselves in for.  Others are just not suited to the job.

And then there are some that make such a concerted effort to do their best, that they make all the mistakes that anyone is bound to make who is trying to do the right thing. There are parents that put so much pressure on their children to succeed, that their children can never come up to their high expectations, or they smother them with over concern that the child lives in perpetual fear, or is blocked from developing their own pathway in life.

If you are a parent yourself, you will know that it is not an easy thing being a parent. There are times when you don’t know what to do, other times that you are so overwhelmed by the challenges you are facing that you know you are probably are making the most terrible mistakes.

Given that 90% of families are dysfunctional (according to psychologist Chuck Spezzano) – so it’s no surprise that most people really struggle with their families – and particularly those who are more sensitive or do not conform to the predominant family culture.

The funny thing is that that those who come from “good families” have a whole different set or problems and don’t seem to reap the benefits of being in a “good” family!

We can spend years blaming our parents for the mistakes they made

They fuck you up your mum and dad

A remarkable book that will change how you view your family

I find James Hillman’s approach very refreshing – because all this talk of how damaging families are can get quite depressing. In The Soul’s Code Hillman says it’s only too easy to blame your parents for all the damage they did you, but this puts you in the position of victim.

You can spend years berating your parents for the mistakes they made and it doesn’t necessarily get you anywhere other than keep you in justified rage. And forgiving your family, as much as you know it’s what you need to do, is not an option. They got away with murder – and on top of that they’re going to get your forgiveness. Horrible.

The other funny thing is that some of the most inspiring people come from the most destructive family backgrounds. I see this over and over again in my groups. Some of the nicest, kindest, most loving people have endured the most challenging family situations. They had a rotten start in life but it hasn’t embittered them. It has been the inspiration for creating a better life for themselves.

What if you family were meant to make a mess of it

In The Soul’s Code, Hillman examined the lives of individuals who achieved amazing feats in their lives as a way of understanding potential better. He starts with a famous bull fighter who as a child appeared to be cowardly, clinging to his mother’s skirts and afraid to venture out into the world. No doubt his father despaired that anything would become of him.

Until he was taken to a bull fight – and from then on this clingy child knew what he wanted to do with his life In fact there was no stopping him. He abandoned his mothers’ skirts and went on to become one of the most famous bull fighters in Spain.  How could such a miraculous shift have occurred unless in some way this cowardly child had bull fighting written into his DNA?

They fuck you up your mum and dad

Many people who fulfill their potential have extremely challenging backgrounds but this in many ways spurs them on to succeed

Hillman then looks at two men who became extremely talented pianists. They both could be said to have fulfilled their potential in their field – and yet they had very different beginnings.

One had very supportive parents who encouraged him and dedicated themselves to his becoming a master of his craft  – the other had very unsupportive parents who had no interest in their son becoming a pianist and who actively got in his way. Yet both went onto becoming extremely talented artistes.

He looks a little deeper at these two individual. Pianist 1 was more sensitive and she probably would never have become a great pianist without the support and encouragement from her parents. Whilst Pianist 2 had a more rebellious personality. If he had encouraging parents he probably would have resisted their support.

It was precisely because his parents were so unsupportive that he became a great pianist – he needed their antagonism for this potential to unfold within him.

What if this is the same for you? What if you needed your dysfunctional family to become the person you are today. Perhaps they were the perfect family for your potential to unfold. If so it may be time to start thanking them!

They fuck you up your mum and dad

From Acorn to Oak Tree – each of us has the potential to become a “mighty oak”.

Your family were the perfect family for you to fulfill your potential

Hillman proposes that each one of us is born with an acorn of potential – like the bullfighter and the two pianists. Every acorn has a blue print written within it to become a “mighty oak tree”.

This is the same for you.

Every acorn has that potential and yet not every acorn does. Some acorns never take root, some take root in the shadow of other trees and so they can’t get the nutrients that they need to grow to full maturity. So they either die, are uprooted for the benefit of other trees, or struggle on for years as weak saplings until finally nature takes its course.

This is like people who have great hopes and dreams for what they could become but they are not able or willing to take the risk that is needed to find an environment, where they can see their potential flourish. Some become so embittered by their experienced that they become gnarled and old far before their time, and once strongly set on this path it is very hard to change. You probably know people like this.

It’s not easy to rise above your family mess

They fuck you up your mum and dad

You soaked up the emotional environment in which you are living

If you are like many people I work with, your experiences in your family may have seriously undermined your ability to move forward on what you hope to achieve in your life.

When you were very young you are like blotting paper. You soaked up the emotional environment in which you are living – you absorb the experiences of other people around you – and you are too young to see the bigger picture. Larkin puts it in these comical lines:

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

You can’t really blame your family because they didn’t know any better or can’t really help the fact that they are so messed up.  It seems you can’t get away from the indelible impression and deep wounds that you still carry from your family. This is because you are deeply enmeshed in your family pattern and so you keep on repeating the same pattern over and over again.

A family pattern is a habitual mode of relating which is creating conflict, stress or upset. When you feel upset by your familiy’s behaviour it is because an old memory or experience has been triggered by an event which is causing you to re-experience the pain. When this is repeated over and over again it forms a deeper and deeper groove – so that you have no other choice than to behave the way you do – as do the other members of your family. This is deeply unconscious and sometimes has been passed by a process of osmosis over many generations.

Man hands on misery to man.

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Larkin use a geological image to represents the effects of a family pattern. It can take thousands of years for a geological feature to form – and this is the same for your family pattern that may go back many, many generations. Your parents, guardians or caretakers were caught in a vicious circle because they…

….were fucked up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   
Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats
One generation tries to correct the previous generations mistakes – but all they are doing is reacting to what was painful or destructive for them. Like a pendulum swing back and forwards it goes back far into your family history. And this is often why it is so difficult to change a family pattern – because it is ancestral.

You Can’t Change your Family

Many people make the mistake of believing the only way out of this mess is to change their family. Have you spent year wishing you had Aladdin’s lamp and could change your family into the way you want them?  You look around at other people’s families and you wish your family could be like that, you know exactly what your perfect family would be like. But no amount of attempts to change them has any effect. In fact the more you try to change them the more they will resist your influence.

It’s no surprise that you will end up feeling more and more frustrated and more and more alienated from them. The rift between you and them only get deeper.

I suggest you give up right away. You are wasting your energy and you acorn has less chance of growing into a mighty oak because you are putting too much energy in the wrong place. Instead you should be focusing on the pattern itself that produces the behaviour in members of your family.


It is natural for a pattern to repeat itself. It is one of the laws of the universe. It will go on ad infinitum unless it is changed or stopped.

Changing the pattern

When a pattern is interrupted, then the pattern will change.

However when a pattern is interrupted, then the pattern will change. In most cases it will go off in a new direction and create a new pattern, because the elements that created  original pattern are no longer there.

But most attempts to do this in a family context do not achieve the desired result. What most people do when they’ve given up on their family is to move away from them. Away from your family you become more confident, you discover talents and abilities that being in your family gave you no room to develop, and you begin to make a new life for yourself.

Like Hillman’s story of Pianist 2, your family experience spurred you to overcome your beginnings and you are full of pride for what you have achieved in spite of your family. And so you should be.

Taking your baggage with you

It’s all fine whilst you’re not being challenged. But unless you have done an awful lot of personal work you will almost inevitably find yourself attracted to relationships – personal, romantic or business – or situations that will repeat your family pattern. Your reasons for doing this are so deeply unconscious that you are taken totally by surprise when you find yourself back in that familiar family pattern.

They fuck you up your mum and dad

Carrying your family baggage around with you can make you feel like a beast of burden

One participant in one of my groups expressed this very clearly – as the family baggage that she dragged around with her wherever she went.

The man playing her role in her family dragged around an extremely large suitcase to represent the baggage she was carrying, and then when she found herself drawn back in the family pattern, more and more baggage from the past attached itself to the suitcase – so that she was like a beast of burden dragging a heavier and heavier weight around with her. (The man playing her role was so physically challenged by the weight he was dragging around with him that his muscles were seriously aching as if he had just done a very strenuous workout!)

This was exactly how this young woman felt – that the more she tried to escape her family the deeper her problems became – and the more despairing she got of ever being able to move forward in her life.
The obvious solution is to put down the baggage that is keeping you enmeshed in your family mess so you can create a new pattern – but this is easier said than done. And often attempts to do this are short-lived. Like a boomerang those patterns keep on coming back.

There is a solution I promise you that will enable you to break the pattern that is effecting you and will also enable you to dissolve the ancestral pattern and break this vicious circle.

 The Hollow Tree

Tree shaped as a woman

The core of the tree’s trunk no longer exists – and yet the tree is still thriving

I was walking in some woods last weekend and I came across this hollow tree that symbolises how a family pattern can be broken so a new healthier pattern can be created.

As you can see the tree has become split right up the middle – right in the core of its trunk. The normal pattern of the tree has been interrupted and it has to find a new way of living. It’s pattern has to change.

The core of the tree’s trunk no longer exists – and yet the tree is still thriving – it is still growing – and the change in its core is producing certain effects.

It has taken a new form and yet it is still the same tree. But all its history has dissolved – the rings of the tree in it’s centre that represent it’s age, it’s past, are no longer needed.

Just like you, you no longer need many of your past experiences – you have learned your lesson and moved on – and yet your past experiences linger on in the patterns that you keep repeating, the emotional triggers that keep you locked in the past.

Time for Change

How can you release those emotional triggers so you could relate to your family as they are – a group of people who had an enormous influence on your life and through a mixture of positive and negative have spurred you into becoming the person you are today?

As James Hillman’s says that talking endlessly about the pain that your family puts you in victim mode, or stimulates shame, which keeps you stuck in the trauma of the experiences – and it can take a long time for you truly to dissolve those painful memories. And that can become another vicious circle.

So how can you become that mighty oak tree without you being traumatised by all the painful memories from your past?

An empowering way to release your family history

What you need is an empowering way of releasing your family history that enables you to celebrate it. If you’ve attended any of my courses you will have got a taste of how you might do that in a way that is fun, creative, expressive, and expansive with a very supportive group of people.

But you also may be aware deeper work is needed to truly shift a family pattern. It took a long time for the hollow tree to release its history – but you can achieve this much much faster – in a mere 8 months.

I have devised a way of working through Greek Theatre, drawing on am ancient form of medicine that had magical effects and enables profound transformation to take place in how you relate to your family.

To understand how it works I suggest you take a peak at the Breaking Family Patterns webpage.

New Families

The hollow tree no longer needs its internal trunk and it also gets huge benefits from the nutrition provided by the organisms that now live within it – that were previously not part of the tree.

Happy group of diverse people, friends, family, team standing together holding hands and celebrating success. Sunset sky

Seek out new friends, communities that can become a more positive family for you

As James Hillman says you need other sources of influence: teachers, friends, mentors, processes and experiences which will enable you to grow and develop: new beliefs, new families, new communities. These are the foundations on which the acorn can become the might oak.

For a time your Breaking Family Patterns group of people become a more positive family who will support you to the hilt and through your shared experiences together dissolve or resolve your painful childhood memories.

And you will surprised how much your family begins to change in relation to you – because you are no longer feeding the vicious circle.

You would see their dysfunctional behaviour for what it is, in the same way as you view the behaviour of anyone else. You might even be able to laugh about it and so dissolve the situation. The people with whom you previously had so much conflict may be able to laugh about it too. This kind of laughter can be refreshingly healing – it can dissolve trauma and pain in the same way as a mountain stream can bring refreshment to a valley.

You may even find yourself forgiving your family without feeling any resentment, or that you are losing face or that they are getting away with murder.

Hand in Hand

You will no longer attract relationships that previously caused you so much pain

You will no longer attract situations and relationships that perpetuate the old family history – and you will forge a new history. After a while you won’t even remember the things that used to cause you so much pain – its as if they’ve dissolved into ether.

And over time you will begin to see evidence of how your acorn is growing into a mighty oak….

How to Survive Christmas

If you find yourself getting triggered by your family this Christmas, can I suggest:

Breathe…. feel all the feelings that you feel and remind yourself of the person you have become or are becoming. The oak tree that is beginning to take shape through you.

Notice the behaviours that the family member is exhibiting. See if you can see them from a higher perspective – as it is – as behaviour that the person cannot help but express.

Breathe in all that is working positively in your life….

Notice all the ways that your family has spurred you to become the person you are today. Celebrate your success.

© Claire Schrader 2014

Want to free yourself of your family baggage? If this article has intrigued you, inspired you or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. Your comments may inspire others.

Or you may like to join one of my upcoming confidence courses that will help you to overcome some of the detrimental aspects of your family.

Or read James Hillman’s inspiring book that will revoloutionise how you see your family


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Article: Stretching out of your comfort zone

Article: Stretching out of your comfort zone
Inner Vision Orchestra - All on stage

The Inner Vision Orchestra

Is there something big you know you want to do?

If there is something really big that you know you want to do… so big that you don’t even know how to get started? Something that is beyond yourself, beyond what you think you can achieve? Can you imagine how you would feel if you were to begin to achieve this thing… you stepped off the precipice into the unknown….?

The Colours of Sound is a documentary film following Britain’s only blind orchestra, the Inner Vision Orchestra on their UK tour. A celebration of the power of music to transform lives. It is the vision of Marie Cecile Embleton, a Making Moves participant who demonstrates what happens when you truly speak from your “inner vision”.

Cecile’s idea has so many contradictions – of making a visual project about a group of people who cannot see and will only be able to experience her film through their inner vision.

But it is also about our own inner vision or lack of it. A blind person’s inner vision, is so much more acute than ours. When I listen to a truly exceptional piece of music often I want to close my eyes so I can really hear the music. Occasionally we see a blind musician but it is rare.

INNER VISION is a feature-length documentary about the Inner Vision Orchestra, its members and their stories, struggles and triumphs.

With some players born blind and others experiencing sight loss in their life, the heart of this film will reveal intimate portraits of key characters from around the world, and how creativity has helped them overcome the challenges imposed by sight loss.

This group unites players from Iran to Japan, Lebanon to Nigeria and India to Britain. Boasting a repertoire from classical and gospel to soul and traditional Indian ragas, through music they transcend barriers.

Making a film about a blind orchestra

Where did this journey begin?

Cecile: A year ago I met the Inner Vision Orchestra and immediately wanted to learn more about them. How do they rehearse and who conducts? What was their process for learning to play? When Linda – the Orchestra manager – began to tell me about the different characters that make up the group, I realised that they are the perfect cast for a documentary film. Ranging from 34 to 90 years of age and originating from all over the world, they are the most diverse group you can imagine!

Inner Vision Ochestra - Woman singing + MusiciansEach with fascinating, beautiful and often harrowing back stories, and having been born blind or experiencing sight loss at some point in their lives, music has become an integral part of adapting to a new life for these musicians. Linda was keen for me to meet the players. Joining them in their rehearsals I instantly knew that the energy, humour and passion of this group was something that would be inspiring and entertaining for audiences to see on screen.

Interview by Emily Wright

What I want to discuss initially is your practice, your process, or more specifically the ways in which you make a documentary – how you begin to make something.

Marie-Cecile Embleton

Marie-Cecile Embleton

Cecile: I’ve known the orchestra for around a year now. And this has been invaluable time for getting to each of the characters. They are such a diverse group with fascinating back stories and personal interests that lie both within and outside of music.

In the beginning I started filming rehearsals and found it very challenging as I just didn’t know enough about the group to know how to anticipate and what to focus on. So in many ways, an initial period of following them has been a crucial part of research for me. Over time, focusing on particular aspects of some of the character’s lives – Victoria’s synaesthesia, Takashi’s love of movement and dance, Peggy’s first career as an artist – I began to see lots of potential in the contrast between their communal life as an ensemble and their personal ‘inner’ lives that tell us a lot about how they have adapted to blindness in very different and creative ways. Creativity in overcoming adversity started emerging as a theme not only for the group as a whole, but I realised it was also a big part of their personal lives and journeys.


When did you first meet the members of the orchestra? 

Cecile: I met Linda and Baluji (respectively the manager and director of the orchestra) last summer really by chance. I researched ‘blindness and creativity in London’ and found the Inner Vision Orchestra. My interest in blindness came from a year spent living in Madrid for my degree. Madrid is full of blind people. I would see a blind person almost everyday there. I wondered whether the lively soundscape of the city was particularly stimulating and interesting for someone who cannot see.

Since living in London and working on film projects I’ve become more and more aware of the importance of creativity and how it can enrich people’s lives. So meeting Linda and Baluji and hearing about this amazing collection of musicians that come from all over the world and have come together to make music together was really exciting. Here was a group of people that was so diverse you really couldn’t make it up; an Indian sitar player, a Nigerian opera singer, a Japanese viola player, an Iranian singer….Each player with their own powerful, beautiful and sometimes harrowing stories. They each bring something very special to the group. Then the narrative of taking ten blind and partially sighted musicians around the country on tour promises lots of unexpected challenges that would work so well in a road movie.

So it was a really exciting meeting for me and I loved Linda and Baluji’s openness inviting me along to get to the group. It’s this approach of including people and making things happen that’s so great about the spirit of Inner Vision.


Could you tell me about some of the obstacles you faced whilst making this film?

Cecile: I’ve been really lucky as I’ve had many people come on board to help me with the film and I am extremely grateful to them for the time they have put into it. There is no way the project could have come this far without them. But the nature of documentary is that you can’t really tie it down and plan it into your diary months in advance. There have been times when something’s come up to film and it’s been impossible to find someone to come along and help. When this is the case I have to asses whether its worth filming on my own or if I let it slide.

Another main obstacle really is trying to divide tasks up so that the workload is manageable. There is still a huge amount of work to be done and there are so many aspects to focus on whilst keeping hold of the overall picture.


With this film there seems to be an encounter between two art forms – music and documentary film. Yet, blindness is also a strong element to the film. Could you tell me about how these three interact in your film?

Cecile: The really exciting part of making this film for me is studying the individual stories to find a way to portray their relationship with blindness using the visual medium of film. So Victoria for example, despite being totally blind, lives literally a very colourful life as she sees sound in colour – a condition called synaesthesia. Experimenting with different environments of colour for Victoria to sing in has been really fun and interesting. I’m aiming to create a final outcome with an abstract dream-like quality that will portray her ‘inner life’ or in her own words ‘the world that I chose to imagine I live in’. Again, for me this is a fascinating insight into how Victoria has approached adapting to blindness in such a creative way – by holding onto her love of colour aged 7 when she went blind.

In this piece you have made specific use of another’s artistic practice, by documenting the performances of the Inner Vision Orchestra. Is there an element that you want to share their work and perhaps your enjoyment in the process of watching it, with a wider audience?

Cecile: Absolutely! The Inner Vision Orchestra are so much fun to spend time with. Every rehearsal or road trip is peppered with great stories, jokes and limericks (the latter mainly from Rikki Jodelko) and hilarious encounters. Their repertoire makes up a super original and beautiful fusion of different styles of music. They’re the most unusual collection of people you’re likely to see on a stage, but it’s exactly this that makes their appeal. And with the film I hope to capture the amazing energy of this group, as well as an insight into the individual journeys that have brought them together.

Inner Vision Orchestra - Peggy (Mini cinbalist)

90 year old mini-cymbalist Peggy Scott is the orchestra’s most treasured member

Cecile raised all the money she need to make this film – even though she didn’t know how she might do it.

What about that thing you would love to achieve?

Imagine yourself taking a step towards achieving your dream….Imagine it as fully as you can – see it as fully as you can with your own inner vision.

Is there a small step you could take today towards your dream today?

Want to find out what it’s like to tour with a blind orchestra?

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Claire Schrader 2014

Want to break free? If this project has intrigued you, inspired you or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. Your comments may inspire others.

Why we need to get out of our head?

Why we need to get out of our head?

Cop-Head-Black-NeckHow to stop the “cop in the head” from getting the better of you.

Are the cops in your head getting the better of you?

By ” cops in the head” I mean the voices in your head that  tell you it would be a really bad idea and REALLY UNCOOL if you said or did what you wanted to say or do.

And afterwards you chastise yourself for not saying or doing that thing – because it was really IMPORTANT that you said or did it.

Or maybe you long to “let your hair down” and go a bit crazy once in a while – but something in you stops you from letting yourself go in that way. And this means that you are holding back in life in general  that is effecting your career prospects and what you know you could be doing with your life.

Wowed by Bowie!

This article was inspired by Yvonne, a member of  a past Breakthrough Group, who sent this amazing Bowie video to members of  the group after witnessing the “Breakthrough” of Dede – a young African man who was at that time frustrated because he couldn’t express himself in the way he wanted to for all the reasons above. httpv:// This is why Yvonne sent the video to the group:

“I wanted everyone to see specifically what I had in mind when Dede was describing of how he wanted to feel and be. I could feel the waves of positive energy and excitement in what he was describing and it instantly made me think of Bowie. It’s just the intro bit to the song that I was thinking of, which represents what I pictured in my head when Dede was saying how he wanted to share his happiness and reach out to others, which then makes him happy. Check out the smile on Bowie’s face when he touches the crowd for the third time.  That should be Dede’s smile.” Yvonne

I was WOWED BY BOWIE in this video for very different reasons – on top of the fact that Dede’s Breakthrough had been incredible – on top of the fact Bowie is an amazing performer – or any other reason for being WOWED BY BOWIE. I was WOWED BY BOWIE because in this video he shows us what happens when we let the “cops in the head” gets the better of us. And therefore how we can stop them.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you Augusto-Boal

Augusto Boal – founder of the Theatre of the Oppressed

Augusto Boal and the Cop in the Head

Augusto Boal*, a brilliant Brazilian theatre director – first coined the phrase “cop in the head” meaning the “policemen in your head” that SCREAM IN YOUR EAR that there will be dire consequences if you should say or do what ever it is you want to do and say. And when you show any kind of desire to ignore their commands, they scream even louder and fill you with panic – until you have no other choice than to stop. And stop you do. The “cops in your head” have very good reasons (they think) for needing to issue these warnings and their voices and advice seem very compelling. They are not the kind of voices that you can ignore. (*See more about Boal below) This is experienced by many people. In fact it is generally experienced by the “nicest” people. The only trouble it often gives other people opportunities to take advantage of you – because you are not expressing what you want  to express to them and are generally holding back what you truly feel. As a result you are aware that other people are not getting to see the “real you” but a socially acceptable you that is fooling everybody.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

David Bowie and the Cop in the Head

Bowie and the Security Guards

If you watch the intro of the Bowie video above, as Yvonne suggests, and you’ll see why I think Bowie’s performance is so amazing. You will see Bowie shadowed by two security guards who watch his every move – and are not letting him get too far away from them. These guards are like the guards (the cops) in your head  that are watching your every move and are making sure you don’t do anything that would make you look foolish  or would attract unwanted attention from the people who might judge, criticise or ridicule you. This is what Dede experienced and he was absolutely sick of it.

The Protection Racket

Like Bowie’s guards, the guards (cops) in your head are doing a very good job of keeping you safe and out of harm’s way. (As a big star with a huge following Bowie needs this kind of protection.) The trouble with the cops in your head is that not only do  they seem very convincing, and  reel of instances when you have suffered appalling humiliations as a result of ignoring their advice, but  they sound like your voice. In FACT they are YOUR VOICE!! We see the “cop in the head” brilliantly portrayed in Bowie’s video – in the form of the security guards who form a tight circle round Bowie and stop him from doing from what he wants to do  – to reach out to his fans. We all have these “cops in the head”  that are keeping us away from what we really want. And whilst these cops believe they are acting in our best interests, in fact all they are doing is keeping us small, stuck and contracted – even when we know better than to listen to them.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

The cop in the head – Bruisers and bullies

And they are bruisers these guys. Bruisers and bullies and they just won’t let up. They are constantly on patrol and never take a day off. “But I don’t want to be protected” you say. “Just leave me alone”. But the cops in the head don’t listen – or maybe can’t. They are too intent on doing their job. It seems the more you try to make them go away, the more they stick around. So how do you shut the cops up so you can get on in with your life – and maybe start to enjoy yourself a little?

Stopping the Voices!

This is what Bowie did in the video. Listen to the words that he sang:

“Now you know this ain’t always the right thing to do”.

Yes we all know there are things that are not right to do – this is exactly the problem. It’s all those messages you’ve absorbed from parents, teachers, friends, enemies, bosses, governments and society that tell you what you should and shouldn’t do – and that is why the “cops in your head” have got such a secure hold – because you have probably had some quite horrible experiences in the past that are the very reason why the “cops” will not leave you alone.

Bowie repeats the line with a twinkle in his eye:

“Although you know this ain’t the right thing to do…”

…implying that although we might know what’s the right thing to do, we don’t always do it. Now we’re getting to it.  We don’t always do what we’re supposed to do, now do we?!!

Then Bowie cries out:

“Let’s Go!”

..and makes a dash for his fans, breaking free of his guards (cops in the head) who are unable to stop him and throws himself right into the crowd. (He’s not supposed to throw himself in his crowd of fans. That’s what his guards are protecting him from. En masse his fans could mob him, stampede him or even crush him to death!!! )

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

Your inner fans are rooting for you all the way – just like Bowie’s!

Bowie’s fans go mad with excitement. Bowie has broken the rules: he has moved from his remote place on stage and  entured into their territory to be with them. This is  their dream. They are half crazy with joy. (Bowie’s fans represent the part of you that longs to break free – and is always rooting for you and ready to celebrate your successes. It is the part of you that DEEPLY DESIRES CHANGE and says a HUGE YES to the changes you succeed in making. This is the part of you that can bring about massive change – if you let it.) Like Bowie, Dede had an intense desire to break free of the “cops” – all the conditioning that was keeping him on a tight rein. As a musician, Dede wanted to let himself go when he was performing, but he also wanted to whoop, and cry out and go a bit crazy when he was out with his friends – or when he just felt like it. He saw others doing this but this was what he just couldn’t do.

Intense Desire

When the desire is intense, as Dede’s was, Breakthrough is inevitable. Dede knew  how he wanted to be. He just needed a space where he could express that part of him without anyone telling him he was looking an idiot and sabotaging his new found freedom. This is powerfully expressed by the way Bowie throws himself into the crowd. His guards (cops in the head) of course  drag him away from his screaming fans who by now are at a pitch of excitement. The “cops in the head” are not going to stop just because you want to get free of them. In fact this often makes them more determined. We see Bowie time and time again breaking free of his guards and throwing himself again and again at his fans.  The guards do everything in their power to keep him away from his fans for his own good – like a mother of an adventurous toddler keeping him out of harm’s way.

An intense desire and the courage to act on it as powerfully as Bowie does –  will produce a powerful shift. (Bowie literally throws himself at his desired goal.) An intense desire with only half-hearted action – will produce some level of shift but will not be the Breakthrough you want – because you have not put your whole self into it. (And you probably know it) An intense desire with no action will produce very little shift – which you may know if you have tried to bring about change in this area but haven’t known what to do. As will a “weak desire” with any level of action. A weak desire with no action will produce no shift – and sometimes the situation will get worse and you may say to yourself “Look what happens when I try to change.”

Breakthrough is an all or nothing business. You have to move towards Breakthrough with everything you’ve got. Even though the “cop in the head” may be screaming in your ear that it won’t work, or it won’t work for you because of …… Dede knew exactly what this felt like. He no longer wanted to be constrained by his internal cop in the head. He was ready to break free – and the moment he walked into the group he declared how determined he was – even when sometimes it was challenging.

Stretching Out of Your Comfort Zone

Over the course of the twelve weeks and with the support of his fellow group members, Dede had opportunity to had opportunities to stretch out of his comfort zone bit by bit so he was letting more and more of his true self out. One of the first things we do in a early stage of the group is to send the “cop in the head” packing. Of course the “cop” is going to want to come back – but you will learn a simple technique that will make it easier to keep the “cop” at bay. Because with persuasion he will leave – just as Bowie’s guards stopped. The “cop in the head” is not a prison sentence. It was something you involuntarily created way, way back (to protect yourself from hurt) – and at the time it was a good strategy but now you no longer need it. One of the things that was outstanding about Dede was the support he gave to other members of the group. If someone was away he would send them a thoughtful text or email. One group member called me up and said she didn’t know who had contacted her but she was going through a tough time and Dede’s text made a huge difference to her. Dede was not only wholehearted in his his willingness to support himself and others too – so no ownder he made such startling progress.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

OK I’ll come quietly!

The Bigger Shift

When it came to his “Breakthrough” (the major process we do half way through the course) Dede was ready for the bigger shift – the shift that was going to make a BIG DIFFERENCE. In his Breakthrough Dede got to witness the parts of himself that were holding him back – very familiar parts . However seeing these parts (the cops in the head)  played out literally “blows a part of your mind” – because when you meet the “cop in the head” and recognise it for what it is, there is something that seems to melt. The cop comes out with his hands up. When this is also followed by the ability to take action this can get to those very deep parts that created “the cop” in the first place. Most people when they experience this shift can feel something breaking free within them. It is often felt as deep physical sensations or the person may feel “unreal”. For Dede this happened in a split second – and  he could  celebrate his free self along the rest of the group – who all had the opportunity to “let their hair down”. The joy and freedom that was expressed by Dede was as exciting as Bowie’s video. You will get a feel of it in this photo.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

The Breakthrough Process – the joy of Breaking Free

As it was commented by one group member recently, after the Breakthrough the shift is clearly visible in the person. They may appear more relaxed, more at ease in themselves, more alive or as if a weight has been lifted off them.

Getting Free

When  this is achieved, the “cop in the head”, like Bowie’s guards, is no longer the em-prisoner. We see this in the video when the guards stop trying to protect Bowie and pull a “fan”* out of the audience and encourage her to dance with Bowie. The “fan” represents that part of you – that is willing to get free. At first the fan is overwhelmed by the challenge before her,  she doesn’t believe she can do it, her nerves get the better of her. She falls on the floor many times – but she keeps on picking herself up – and eventually her confidence grows, and as her confidence grows she begins to enjoy herself. As she enjoys herself, she starts to shine – and like a bird she is released from the cage to express her true self just like Dede was. And when she sets herself free in this way she begins to WOW herself – and is amazed at what she is able to do. This is what naturally follows when there is no “cop in the head” to order you around – AND YOU ARE FREE TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

How to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you

The Cop in the Head Becomes Your Liberator

When the “cop in the head” no longer sees that protection is necessary – it becomes the “empower-er” – and it will help you to achieve even more freedom. Freedom you never knew was possible. You can say goodbye to the bullies, the horrible experiences and all those however well meaning influences that have kept you in chains. Now you are free and so are the “cops”. This is what Yvonne saw in Dede. She saw his desire to free himself and his capacity to claim that freedom. And Dede being Dede just keeps on going from strength to strength. He wrote to everyone a month after the Breakthrough Group  ended saying that he was even more confident than when he was during the course – and full of generosity and encouragement for everyone else.  So I can very easily imagine Dede expressing his natural happiness and spreading it to everyone who comes near to him. I hope you find this article insightful, and it will enable to come more aware of the “cop in the head” so you can stop it from getting the better of you – and you can start to free yourself as Dede did.  Like Bowie’s fans I am rooting for you all the way and I celebrate your success with you.

© Claire Schrader 2013

Want to break free? If this article has intrigued you, inspired you or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. Your comments may inspire others. Or you may like to join one of my upcoming confidence courses and learn how to stop the cop in the head from getting the better of you.


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NOTES *Augusto Boal developed a style of theatre which he called the Theatre of the Oppressed as a result of the oppression he had experienced at the hands of the military regime that seized power in his country, Brazil.  He was kidnapped, arrested, tortured, and eventually exiled because of his teachings. His life’s work was about helping people who were suffering this kind of oppression free themselves. When he came to Europe he was surprised to see that whilst Europeans may be free of the extreme political oppression that he had experienced, however exactly the same kind of oppression was going on in their own heads. The “bad guys” were no longer out there…. but inside them. And he discovered that it is in many ways much easier to fight the “bad guys out there” however evil and destructive they may be – but fighting the “bad guys inside the head” was a lot more complicated.  When the “bad guys” are inside you they actually are a part of you –  so in fighting them, you are fighting yourself.  In other words – you are you own bad guy! And that can have a very undermining and dis-empowering effect. Boal called these “bad guys the “cop in the head” – the internalised oppression which is stopping you from doing what you want to do or saying what you need to say, often because there are discouraging voices and experiences from your past that are hindering your actions. The Theatre of the Oppressed was a form of theatre that enabled people to shift this. (I use an adapted form of Boal’s work to help my clients free themselves of internalised oppression and I describe in this article how this worked for Dede and enabled him to free himself.) **The “fan” is of course not a real fan but one of the dancers on the show. It is what she represents that’s important. That potential self that is just waiting in the wings for an opportunity to come out!

Article: Is it the Nasty People who get ahead? The power of natural authority.

Article: Is it the Nasty People who get ahead? The power of natural authority.

Dog's faceHow to claim you’re natural authority and hold your own against dominant people

We’ve seen them in films, on TV, we’ve read about them in books – nasty guys who get to the top and throw their weight about – and make everyone else’s life a misery. They’re the dominant types, the alpha types, the bullies that make a lot of noise and we love to hate.

But we hate to work for them, be around them, be in relationship to them, have them in our family – and we breathe a sigh of relief when we finally get shot of them.

Unless of course you’re one of them yourself or you get a buzz from challenging and engaging with this type. You thrive on their energy and determination – they inspire you to succeed.

It’s the Nasty People that Get Ahead?

Many people as a result believe that being nasty is necessary for success because they see the people who are prepared to throw their weight around: get promotion, get rewarded for the hard work of others, get away “with murder” and win all kinds of other advantages for themselves.

In fact it’s what I used to believe myself. I saw these kind of people achieving things that I couldn’t, and I gave up any hope that I could excel in this kind of way.  But I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to play their game – I just didn’t really have it in me.

I couldn’t in my wildest dreams see myself behaving anything like that – and I would have hated myself for doing so. And even if I hadn’t, I know that if I tried to behave anything like this, it would have back-fired on me, lost me friends and I would be worse off than before.

Status exercise

Most of us are fed up with the dominance/ subserviance games that we all play at times.

And I was fed up with them undermining me, walking all over me, taking advantage of me, manipulating me, dis-empowering me  and generally dominating me.  And I was also fed up with feeling angry that they could get away with this behaviour, or angry with myself for giving my power away to them, failing to be assertive once again and for losing my own self respect. It was yet another nail in the coffin of my crumbling self-esteem.

But is it really the nasty types that get ahead – in the long term? Does being nasty, bullying and overpowering people really help you win friends and influence people? Or does it in the end back fire on you?

In this article, I hope to show you that you don’t have to be nasty to get ahead. In fact you can get much further by not being nasty. But you do need to know how to play the game  which does not need you to resort to anything underhand. But it does require you to make a shift within yourself.

Another Way to Build Confidence and Self Respect

Giraffe & ZebraMuch later in my life I discovered there was another way of interacting with these people that was a lot more effective – and helped to build my self respect and confidence – and meant that these kind of people whilst unpleasant to deal with and be around, didn’t get to dis-empower me. It also meant that they wouldn’t even think of approaching me to do the menial tasks that no one else wants to do.

Here’s an example of when. There was a very difficult man at the place I used to work with. He was really a very unpleasant man and everyone loathed him. Other people that I worked with got into terrible battles with him and somehow he always got his way which meant they hated him even more. I had to deal with him on a regular basis and although I did find it hard, since I have never been very good conflict – but I found a way of standing my ground and quietly asserting what I wanted. I can’t say that I felt terribly good about it.

But this man did offer me all sorts of advantages and it was only much later that I discovered that he treated me with a lot more generosity and respect than my more assertive colleagues.

I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I was drawing on behaviour that I’d learned in the Keith Johnstone improvisation classes that I’d done years ago and that I now teach to my clients. So I now see them achieving in areas that previously they found very difficult.

Interview Success!

One young woman came back triumphant from a job interview. She said:

 “I could see the guy interviewing me was doing a “high status” thing on me and I could feel myself shrinking and started to feel that the interview wasn’t going very well and that I was losing confidence. I didn’t like the way he was making me feel but because I know what he was up to, so I started raising my status – and the effect was amazing.

I saw him visibly shift in how he was relating to me. He started to take me a lot more seriously and as a result I felt more confidence – and I walked out of the interview feeling great because I hadn’t let him get the better of me.”

She had done exactly what I had done with the horrible man at work. I had raised my status – so that he now began to view me in a different light. He didn’t know why he was viewing me differently and why he now saw me as an equal and an ally – and someone he wanted on his side. Another participant used it on what was normally a difficult interchange with her boss and came back thrilled at how raising her status had achieved a dramatic shift in  with how much better she felt about communicating with her boss.

Playing The Game

So what is this raising status business and how can you apply it in the situations in you life that you find so difficult.

6 master nervous

Status is a game

Status is a game – a game that it being played out everywhere. You see it in the street, in the tube, at work, amongst your friends, in your relationships and particularly in your family.

It’s almost certainly  at work when family member always manages to get their way – irrespective of their actual position in the family. It’s at work when someone in accounts has the directors dancing to their tune.

Ancient Roots

The roots of status are ancient. Status is played out in the animal kingdom and human’s have played this game out since time immemorial. One of the reasons that this game has such powerful impact is because it is also the game of survival – and this is where it gets confusing – because as a result many people find themselves believing that winning at this game is absolutely crucial.

Out in the wild, dominance rules and it is the less dominant that is driven out, rejected – and may possibly die. Deep down at an unconscious level most people believe that we have to win at this game even though our survival no longer depends on it – and even though they may also hold other more worthy beliefs and values.

One man wrote on my blog demonstrating how potent these dynamics are and how they influence us at the deepest level:

I’m a male and i found myself comparing myself to other male in terms of physical appearance. I always believed that people with strong physical posture (e.g height , body mass, etc) has an advantage in attracting attention and respect both in general settings or in relational ones (especially from members of the opposite gender).

No wonder this is an area of such deep anxiety for many people.

Social Influences

This is complicated by the fact that over the millennia humans have become socialised and these social pressures are far more important. Jane Goodall in her study of chimpanzee discovered that the dominant chimp was not the biggest and strongest – but the one who had won the allegiance of the other chimps in the group. This is the same for humans – we seek social acceptance and the more accepted we are by others, the more likely we are to thrive.

On top of this, it may be that in your family you won acceptance through dis-empowering yourself and so this becomes a very different way of surviving that is equally powerful. Indeed most people find it is very difficult to stop dis-empowering themselves when they move away from their family. It has become a habit – and you have to unlearn those habits which have become second nature.

Thus these two influences of dominance and socialisation are competing against each other – and causing significant confusion.

Learning Status

Hyacinth' s face


When people come to my improvisation classes they learn how to play both high status and low status. High status wins you authority and respect and low status wins you friends and supporters. In actual fact, both are crucial because there are some situations where playing low status can be very beneficial – and others where raising you status can shift some of the very powerful programming that can keep us stuck in unhelpful roles.

Most of us tend to play one more than another as a default mode. Some times it works for us to do this and sometimes it doesn’t. There are downsides to both. High status can get you trapped in ego battles and one up-manship and the stress of having to keep up appearances. Ultimately it’s a lonely position that maintains hierarchy and keeps yoou remote from other people. Low status can keep you stuck in the victim position and low self esteem.


Chris was the only girl in a family of three other brothers. She describes the dynamic of her family experience in this way:

When I was a child my mother was in a very positive high status looking after the family. She lost it and felt failure guilt and shame when criticized, blamed and rejected by my father. Then I replaced her to look after the family and I was in a positive high status trying to please and serve my father. Later, the same way as my mother I was criticized and rejected by my brothers.

Frustrated by her relationships with the very dominant men in her family, Chris had developed a strategy for coping. She escaped her country of origin, built a life of her own and became a free spirit.

But this did not help her when it came to dealing with her brothers. Years later she was still being undermined and over powered by her brothers and paying out the same victim role she had seen her mother play.

A Big Shift

Chris had been coming to my workshops for years and she had made all kinds of progress – but she had remained an adept and very appealing low status play and as a result still struggled in her relationships with other people. The  shift that Chris made during the status exercise was really quite remarkable.

When it came to doing the high status exercise, because Chris was through her experiences in her family, a low status specialist, she did not choose the easy path. She could have chosen a higher social position in the exercise and raised her status over her partner through this simple fact – but high status is not just about social position (although it can be). Chris chose a much harder route in taking the lower social status – but she raised her status in much more subtle and powerful ways – ways that did not alienate her partner and produce an ego battle. She did it in a way that won his respect and he could feel he was losing ground against her.

In fact Chris knew exactly how to do this – even though she didn’t know how she did. She did what she had learned from her brothers and father – and she also added something that they couldn’t do. She raised her status in such way that she didn’t threaten her partner. Therefore her partner did not respond by getting combative – but instead found himself feeling impressed by her and marveling at her skill.

When she came back to the next session, Chris walked into the room with a confidence and authority that I had never seen in her before. She was a different woman. She was full of energy and aliveness and she was holding herself in a way that automatically won respect and yet also didn’t threaten others. This is what I call “Natural Authority”. She had absorbed what was useful about playing the high status game and integrated it into herself – so she both looked and felt great.

Natural Authority

When you have natural authority, other will recognise you as their equal and they will acknowledge that you have won their respect. They won’t say this so much in words. They will do this in much more subtle ways – through body language, through the tone of their voice and by choosing a different way to relate to you. It would not occur to them to behave in all the underhand ways that I have described above. They will choose to deal that out to people who bring out the dominator in them. Not you.

Natural authority also means that you are being the “real you”. You’re not putting on airs and graces that make others feel uncomfortable or bring out the competitive or aggressive side of them.

Giraffe eating

The giraffe, a gentle animal, is naturally empowering itself – and you can too.

Empowering Yourself

As Chris raised her status through shifts in how she was holding herself and using her own natural strengths – her survival strategy of becoming a free spirit served her well.

Instead of using it to set herself apart as a non-player – because she didn’t want to play the dominance/submission game – she was making use of her natural skills which did even more to disarm her partner, so he didn’t even mind that she raising her status above his. She wasn’t dis-empowering him – because she was empowering herself. And this was the key.

One of the reasons that nasty people get ahead – and occasionally it is because they can do the unpopular jobs that will make them even more unpopular  – is because they have natural authority. Their demeanour, their way of expressing themselves is authoritative and empowered – it makes other people listen to them and so they naturally have the ability to lead others. They have energy and they make waves.

But you can achieve this without being nasty. You achieve it though being your Real Self – your self empowered self – and then you will inspire others and others will be naturally drawn to you. Continue to do this over a period of time and you will attract notice and respect – and other will begin to shift how they view you. And you will get that promotion

When Chris walked into the class the next week with so much energy and aliveness – who wouldn’t want to listen to her, pay attention to her, engage with her and want to find out . She inspired us and this is the secret.

How Can You Raise Your Status?

In the status exercises, participants learn how to both raise and lower their status and to do this consciously. The fact that most of this behaviour is unconscious and automatic is what makes it so hard. Practicing doing this in a safe environment is important where others are going to support you – and where it won’t be the end of the world if you make a hash of it.

Being able to play the status game well relies on other skills too and this is why I don’t teach it at the beginning of the improvisation class. You need also to unlearn some of the habits that keep you stuck in your head and master other skills that enable you to respond in a more natural way.

As Chris said:

Your improv course gave me a chance to live from my solar plexus (instincts), rather than from my conditioned mind, through my body, my emotions and by being spontaneous.  This was possible because of the safety and encouragement of the group. So I could practice being my Real Self in relation to other people, which I could not be before I joined the group.  in the weeks in between each session, I did experience the flash back of feeling completely sick in relation to other people. and it was healed every step before I would come the week after to the group.

She couldn’t have achieved this kind of shift without making other shifts from the earlier classes. So I offer this exercise with the proviso – that it is far from a simple thing to raise your status in relation to challenging people but this exercise will get you started.


Think of  a situation where other people succeed in making you feel small or dis-empowered. You may consider these people nasty or people who are dominant, alpha types. Remember the situation in as much detail as possible. What they said and how they said it, their body language – and what happened as a result. You may want to write this out – so you have a clear picture of how these people behave and the impact it has on you. i.e When my boss puts me down, I notice she has a very strident tone of voice, and I immediately feel as if I’ve done something wrong, and I find myself feeling defensive.

As you reflect on this notice in more detail how you are feeling as you are on the receiving end of this treatment. Notice if this triggering any memories from the past when you were disempowered. i.e I feel myself shrinking inside and I feel like a small child who’d being told off. I feel furious that she’s making me feel like this and furious with myself because I’m letting her put me down

Feel into your solar plexus and feel the power that lives in you. Let that build.

Imagine you are standing opposite the person and observing all the things that enables them to put you down, and feeling all the things that usually cause you to feel disempowered. You may mirror that in your body so you become familiar with how it feels and so you can recognise it the next time you experience it. Now begin tuning into the powerful feelings in your solar plexus and begin shifting your body so it aligns with that. i.e You may find yourself subtly adjusting your spine, stregthening your neck, relaxing your shoulders, relaxing your facial muscles. Play around with this until you find a bodily emotional position that is equal with the other person. NB You’re not trying to put yourself above them or to diminish them or to say “I’m better than you”, you are just standing tall in who you are and you are feeling good about yourself and your actions.

In your imagination observe their diminishing behaviour alter in relation to yours so you are both empowered. You may want to imagine them acknowledging or recognising you for meeting them as an equal.

Practice raising your status when you are in confrontational situations with others. But start in a small way rather than on a really challenging situation. Small successes practiced regularly will build your confidence so you can eventually be successful with the situations that challenge you most.

I hope you find this exercise helpful, and it will enable to start breaking the habit of dis-empowering yourself in relation to more dominant people – so you can start being the real “you” and relate to others from a more empowered place.

 © Claire Schrader 2013

If this article has spoken to you, or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment below. Your comments may inspire others.

Want to learn how to build natural authority

You may like to sign up for my next Improvisation for Self Confidence Course in London to enable you to learn these skills.

A special group to learn the basic tools and technique of improvisation. Get out of your head, build confidence and discover how to be witty, playful and humorous in social situations.

This is more challenging than my other groups however for some people it is absolutely the right first step. Contact me if you are uncertain if it would be right for you.

Find out more


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How did Laura Robson do it? The power of inner confidence

How did Laura Robson do it? The power of inner confidence


Laura Robson confidenceHow to get confidence and overcome performance nerves

How did Laura Robson win against Marina Erakovic on Saturday 29th June 2013?

Discover what it takes to be a winner and achieve your goals when the chips are down and your confidence is at its lowest ebb – whether your playing tennis, speaking in front of a group, making a presentation or in any other situation when your nerves have got the better of you.

Get some tips about what the pros do in this 9 minute video.

It was my great delight to create it for you.

Are You Really Lacking in Confidence?

Many people believe that they are lacking in confidence – in fact its not confidence they lack but the ability to connect with their confidence.

So how do you connect to that confidence when the chips are down?

Learn how to connect with the powerful self confidence that lives within you – and improve your chance of success as Laura Robson did – in those moments when that vital confidence eludes you.

I’m rooting for you all the way.

© Claire Schrader 2013

If this VIDEO has spoken to you, and has enabled you to connect to your inner confidence  – so you can start being the real “you”.  If you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment (scroll down). I love to hear from you.


I offer a wide range of Confidence Building Courses aimed at beginners for different levels and abilities in London.

I usually suggest the Breakthrough Confidence Course or Express Yourself Workshop as a good first step or The Finding Your Voice – Speaking with Confidence Course if speaking in front of  groups is a priority.

Find out more

How to get started

The easiest way to get started is by subscribing to my free e-book “The Self Confidence Myth” and discover how you can break out of your shell the fast, fun and easy way.

Or check out my How to Get Started Guide.

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Speaking with confidence – stop comparing yourself to other people

Speaking with confidence – stop comparing yourself to other people
Woman wearing Mask

When you stop comparing yourself to others, then you stand much more of a chance of being seen and heard by other people.


Annabel  was one of those powerful, successful women that I believed I could never be like. Every time Annabel stood up to make an announcement about something she was doing, it seemed everyone sat up and listened.

Annabel had a natural authority that anything she talked about seem like absolutely the “thing” to be doing/participating in. If Annabel was into it, it had to be amazing. She also had all the material things that also seem to impress people: money, career, property, the “right” friends.

Not Being Heard

When I stood up and made an announcement, no one listened (it seemed) – not in the way they listened to Annabel – even though what I was speaking about was probably just as great. I believed that if I had any chance of being successful in the way I wanted to be, I had to be more like Annabel. That was what the voice inside of me said.

And all the time I compared myself to Annabel and women like her.

This is what I believed and it seemed, what other people around me believed too….

I Was Never Going To Be Like Annabel

The only trouble was I was never, ever going to be like Annabel. Never in a million years! Even if I studied every nuance of her voice, her every gesture. If I tried to sound like Annabel I would look ridiculous.

Do you find yourself like me, looking at other people and comparing yourself to them – believing that they “have what it takes” and you just don’t… maybe because they are more extraverted than you are, have a louder voice, are impressive when standing in front of a group – and just don’t seem to suffer in the way you do when it comes to speaking up for yourself or “putting yourself out there”?

Disempowering Myself

I would like to suggest that when you do this, you are putting out a message to the world – something like…..

“I know I’m standing up saying these words, but I’m not Anabel so I know you’re not going to be convinced by what I’m saying.

I know you would listen to Anabel but you’ve got me so you might as well stop listening right now.

And I’m not even sure if what I was wanting to say was so important now – so I might as well stop….”

This was my experience on a regular basis, and I was totally unaware of how much I was dis-empowering myself – and undermining any chance of being heard by others. In fact I was so used to not being heard, that now I had the opportunity to be heard, I was sabotaging my opportunities so I could stay in exactly the same place.

And this was painful.

I may have moved a giant step forward – I now had the courage to speak out – but I was still was not allowing myself to be heard. And this plagued me for many years,

Handler ash

I was putting up a smokescreen between me and the world.

The Smokescreen

Looking back on it now, I realise that my admiration for Annabel and women like her meant I was putting up a smokescreen between me and the world. I was fixated on the fact that I believed that Annabel was the way to be and I was constantly finding myself lacking.

The image of Annabel was always in front of my eyes and standing between me and the world – so no wonder people had difficulty in both seeing and hearing me.  And I was so busily engaged in maintaining the smokescreen so they couldn’t hear or see me, that no wonder all they could see was a blurrrr!

In fact I had disappeared. Whilst I was putting all this attention on Annabel. All they would have seen if they had really looked was Annabel – or my fantasy of what Annabel was. They couldn’t possibly see me.

And the only person that doing all this was me. And I was masterful at it. I was staging a war against myself then kept me in hiding.

If I had put the same amount of energy into being heard, as I was putting into not being heard, my voice would be megaphone blasting from the rooftops!

Being A “Not”

And the truth was whilst I was putting in all this effort beating myself up for not being Annabel, I couldn’t be me. And if I wasn’t being me, who was I being? I was being a “NOT ANNABEL” – and it is very difficult being a “NOT”. Believe me.

Do you see how I was driving myself crazy?

So if you feel if in any way, comparing yourself to another person, wishing you had skills and talents that you don’t have, I suggest that you… STOP.

And notice what happen when you stop comparing yourself to others.

You may notice it seems VERY QUIET. It may seem uncomfortably quiet without all those voices in your head chattering away. But after a while you may notice how relaxed and peaceful you feel. Notice how good that feels.

And the reason that you may be finding it so hard maybe because you were brought up in a very critical environment where it was believed that criticism will enable you to change undesirable habits and behaviours. In fact in only a few cases that this works. The majority of people become very good at criticising themselves – and never really improve and develop in the  areas that they want to. They just stay very stuck – only beating themselves up more because they can’t make progress in the areas of their life they feel the most stuck.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Stop sign

Notice what happens when you stop comparing yourself to others

I don’t often like working in negatives – but this is a case if I see someone is heavily comparing themselves to others at the detriment to their own expression, it is time to stop. Pretend you have come to a no-entry sign and turn back right away. And forgive yourself (as its very natural to compare yourself to others – particularly people that have an exceptional talent). Instead  start appreciating your own positive qualities and talents – the things you are good at – no matter how unimportant they may seem to you.

See the talent, beauty and skill in the other person and admire them for it – but don’t compare yourself to them.

(Hang on – because I’ve got an exercise at the end of this article that will help you use your admiration for people like Annabel for YOUR BENEFIT.)

Being Seen

When you stop comparing yourself to others, wishing or pretending to be like them, then you stand much more of a chance of being seen and heard by other people.

Because in doing this you have also removed the smokescreen that you have put between you and other people. And then people really can see you.

You will also find yourself with no other option than to live in the present, present and aware of what you want to communicate – and so it’s just a question of taking a deep breath and speaking from the heart – and you will find the words will naturally come to you without you needing to plan in advance.

I’m not saying this is easy, particularly if you have a lot of negative experiences in the past.  I’ve seen people who had considered themselves “complete lost causes” achieve this with relative ease without having to struggle too much.

When you remove the pressure from the need to conform to the expectations of others, then you will suddenly start feeling there is an awful lot of space around yourself. You will start to breathe more easily and you will start to feel freer.

What Happened To Annabel?

Funnily enough, Annabel kept on showing up in my life. I was never more surprised than when years later, Annabel started to seek me out more and more and seemed to want to be my friend.

I discovered that as I got to know Annabel, that in reality, she was far less self-assured than I believed her to be. She was constantly asking me how I felt she was coming across. It seemed that not everybody liked her communication style – and some found her rather controlling and bossy. Annabel seemed to genuinely appreciated my honest opinion, and suggestions as to how she could communicate in a gentler way.

This was a complete shock to me. And as Annabel opened up to me, I warmed to her and began to see her more as a complete human being.

She Aspired To Be More Like Me

Gradually I realised that Annabel was appreciative of my gentler and more diplomatic style and even would rather like to be MORE LIKE ME.

How could I have thought that her style was “the only way to be”? It was quite plain that there are many ways to communicate a message – and the authoritative style is just one way. Not everybody responds to the authoritative style – and some people can have a negative reaction to it.

Speaking With Confidence

I wasn’t aware that over time quietly, steadily and surely I had been developing my own communication style. It was a quiet confidence – a confidence that didn’t need to scream and shout from the rooftops. I had built an authority that was as impressive as Annabel’s, but in a different way … And gradually people had come to trust in me because I wasn’t trying to impress them or force anything on them. I was just speaking what was true for me. I wasn’t trying to ape anyone else. And this seemed to appeal to Annabel too.

Public speaking - Claire

I have no trouble with communicating my message to large groups of people.

Annabel had shown me how far I had come – and also that I could communicate my ideas just as effectively as she could. Now I am glad to say that I have no trouble with communicating my message to large groups of people.

And I have stopped of course wishing I was more like Annabel. I am quite happy to be myself just the way I am.

So I would like to suggest that the people that play a similar role in your life that Annabel did in mine, are there to show you, qualities and gifts that live in you and in time will come forth – if you continue to nurture them.


Instead of comparing yourself to others – do this exercise and see if you begin to see yourself differently.

Choose someone in your life that your normally compare yourself to. Notice in what ways do you compare yourself them. What are the sort of things you say about them, and what conclusions do you draw about yourself as a result? Be honest. It may be very hard to see these things written down.

If you weren’t comparing yourself to this person, what would your experience be like.  What would you be doing less of or more of. e.g If I wasn’t comparing myself to Annabel, I wouldn’t be so critical of myself when I was speaking to other people. My mind would not be full of those thoughts, therefore I would be more able to focus on what I was saying. I would feel more open. I would believe that people wanted to hear what I had to say.

Identify the qualities that you admire in this person. As you identify each quality, take a deep breath and allow this quality to land in you. Let this quality grow in you. In your imagination see how you life might be when you have fully developed this quality. Realise if you continue to develop in the way you are, you cannot help but develop this skill or talent e.g Whilst I was never going to be as authoritative as Annnabel, in fact what I was seeing in Annabel was qualities that were just beginning to develop in me. It was going to take a few years before those qualities would fully develop in me – but when they did, my life was going to be very different and I would be able to achieve things that I would have considered an impossibility.

I hope you find this exercise helpful, and it will enable to start breaking the habit of comparing yourself to others – so you can start being the real “you” and live your life from a more empowered place.

© Claire Schrader 2013

If this article has spoken to you, or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. I love to hear from you.

You may like to attending out my upcoming events to help you break you out of behaviours and habits that are keeping you in your shell and holding you back in your career or your relationships.

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Free Meditation: Shining Your Light

Free Meditation: Shining Your Light
Colliding wind binary

Artist’s rendering of a colliding wind binary. (Credit: NASA/C. Reed)

Free Meditation

It was  my great pleasure to be chosen to create a meditation as one of the Twelve Days of Christmas Meditations that John Levine offered to his clients – over the Twelve Days of Christmas 2012-13.

For 12 days John released a free meditation to accompany his new 12 Archangel CD “The power of 12” – a compilation that John has created from his 12 Archangel CD series.

The power of Alphamusic

I am a great fan of John’s work which he calls alphamusic – this is music that induces alpha brain waves which promotes the right environment for deep healing. Many Making Moves participants have become fans of this powerful and beautiful music that has such healing effects – particularly in the area of insomnia, stress, immune system deficiency and emotional issues.

But in truth we all need help with Shining our Light every day! You can listen to the meditation here. It is just 12 minutes long featuring one minute of each Archangel.

Shining Your Light Meditation

If you are interested in finding out more about John’s inspiring work and music you can visit his website.

I hope you enjoy the meditation.

Wishing you deep journeying within and time to be still.

 © Claire Schrader 2012
If this post has intrigued you, inspired you or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. I love to hear from you. If you subscribe to comments you will also be able to participate in the conversation that may ensue.

Want to make this an inspiring year then see my calendar of events.


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Feel the Fear – how to overcome fear without paralysing yourself

fearFear is powerful. The fact that fear is not real in most cases, makes it no less powerful.

Fear can grip you around the heart, paralyse you, run you into the ground and make all action impossible. Most of the things you fear are inside your head, and produce similar physical sensations as if you were facing a raging bear.

I know what it is to feel this emotion. Fear has gripped me many times. I have known its paralyses and seductions.

Doing More Harm Than Good

Feel the fear and do it anyway - BookFeel the fear – and do it anyway is the title of very popular personal development book by Susan Jeffers (who died recently). And this is what many do to conquer their fears.

Whilst I have experienced the thrill of overcoming deep inhibitions by taking actions that are out of my comfort zone, there have been times when forcing myself to break through my fear barrier has been  extremely unwise. And I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone.

“Feeling the fear and doing it anyway” can actually do more harm than good. I can still remember vividly how I felt twenty-five or more so years ago when I was an actress and made a series of calls to casting directors (because I was told that was what you needed to do to get work). I made the calls feeling the fear intensely, not knowing really what to say other than the lame thing everyone said and received a curt, impatient response from the string of irritated casting directors who all were clearly regarded such calls as a nuisance.

I put down the phone my self-esteem down in my boots and feeling deeply humiliated and it took me weeks to get over it. Now I see there was absolutely no value to me in breaking through my fear barrier – I would even say that it was detrimental to me.

Introverts Hate Cold Calling

And I put this down largely to being an introvert. An introvert is one who’s response to stress is to go within, take stock, whilst an extravert goes out – needs to communicate with others in order to regroup.

When I look back on my own experience with the casting director, I realise that I did not “want” to make the calls. I felt I “ought” to make them because at the time I was doing a lot of workshops which focused on breaking through fear barriers. My intuition knew that that was not the way forward for me as a still relatively shy young woman, I was bound to fall flat on my face. And I did.

telephone photo

Cold calling is pretty tough for most introverts

Cold calling is pretty tough for most introverts. We hate doing it – and in most cases, the fear and distaste for it means we’ll do anything to avoid it.  This can have a great cost to us socially and professionally.

This has all to do with the alpha brain waves in the frontal lobe of the brain. Introverts have considerably less alpha brain waves than extraverts – so it’s a physiological thing. Because of this too introverts also dislike situations where there is a lot of stimulation, whereas extraverts thrive on it. It is what makes them hum.

This is why to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway” works brilliantly for extraverts – it puts them in touch with their greatest ally – their ability to think on their feet and talk their way in or out of any situation. In general extraverts have a much easier relationship with fear, except those who have experienced a lot of trauma in their lives – in which case their response is very similar to introverts.

Primitive Responses

Fear is a very primitive response to danger and is produced by your endocrine system. It is the flight-fight response, so that if you choose to fight your aggressor, you have maximum strength and often superhuman energy to overcome your enemy or if the enemy proves too dangerous, to flee, and to survive that way.

However in our modern world – most people don’t fight their battles physically, nor is true flight often an option – it looks too much like cowardice. Instead this massive energy churns away inside you – and produces PSYCHOLOGICAL fear – fear that is inside the mind (as opposed to fear of a real danger).

In many cases you don’t even know that you’re frightened – you just know you must be.  A man wrote to me once: “There’s massive fear, fear I can’t even feel, it’s buried so deep. It’s not a case of “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”  because I don’t feel the fear.”


This is because that when fear has nowhere to go, after a while your system cannot tolerate it – and so it goes underground. This leads to paralysis. When the fear is suppressed it is no less active – but that activity is happening at a deep level within you so you don’t experience it at a conscious level.

But on the unconscious level, it is felt acutely. And it takes a huge amount of energy to keep all this activity in check. So no wonder many people feel so exhausted.

Stone Statue

People who experience shyness have also often experienced high levels of shame, mockery, ridicule or bullying and rather than face that again they have literally turned themselves into stone – so they won’t attract that kind of attention again

I call this kind the paralysis “The Medusa Effect”  – a state which is experienced by many shy, reserved or inhibited people. Medusa was the gorgon in Greek myth who turned those who saw her into stone.

People who experience shyness have also often experienced high levels of shame, mockery, ridicule or bullying and rather than face that again they have literally turned themselves into stone – so they won’t attract that kind of attention again. The would rather exist in this frozen state because at least then they are safe from an unpredictable, outside world.

This is a valid and successful survival strategy in nature – playing possum. Some animals have developed the ability to “play dead” – as a way of evading capture. This is the way shy people attempt to stay safe by not appearing to pose any kind of threat to others.

However when it comes to reversing this process, it is not easy, particularly if you have been under the influence of the Medusa Effect for any length of time. Being frozen becomes a habit. It can be achieved but it will take skill, patience, understanding and time for the paralysis to slowly release. (I recommend usually a combination of my groups, individual sessions, followed up by my more advanced workshops to keep you on track and prevent the old patterns from reasserting themselves.)

Fear is Good

However in his book, The War of Art, another author – Steven Pressfield tells us that FEAR IS GOOD.

He says: “Like self doubt fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to have to do. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul.”

And this is the same for introverts and extroverts alive. When I experience fear I know it is a good thing – even if the fear feels totally unmanageable. My inner self may be panicking – but deep down I know the fear is unlocking deep levels of paralysis and self-imposed limitations.

When I experience this kind of fear, I have to remember – this is a part of me that wants to grow – this is a part of me that is ready to expand, therefore it is safe to come out of my hidey-hole. I have something in me that is bursting to get out – how can I find the best way of helping it get out?

Newborn held in a hand

So long as I do this gently, as a midwife would in helping a real baby come into the world, then the birthing of my new self will happen with ease

And so I am in a sense a midwife to myself – to the potential self that want to emerge. And so long as I do this gently, as a midwife would in helping a real baby come into the world, then the birthing of my new self will happen with ease.

Being in a Solid Place

For me also it is important  that I am sitting on a solid platform within myself when I cross the fear threshold. By that I mean that I am coming from a good place within myself – that I feel good, slightly excited and ready for anything. Then I will move into the new area with awareness and confidence, a bit like the hunter approaching his target with intrepidation, caution but also total focus. There is an element of risk but this is balanced with groundedness.

So in the case of my experience with calling the casting directors, when I look back on it now, instead blithely calling people who didn’t know me from Adam, and are unlikely to think of me for castings, I might want to think of other ways I can achieve my objective – and to use the skills and talents I do have. Can I put my great brain to a strategy of advancing my career prospects in ways that no one yet has done?

I suggest this exercise:


STEP 1 If you feel you should be doing a certain action to achieve an objective – because that’s what everyone else (usually extraverts) do…. then pause. Brainstorm all the other ways you could achieve your objective – even the crazy ideas. Brilliant ideas can come to you in the shower/bath or just as you’re going to sleep.

STEP 2 Then choose the one that you can see yourself doing. Visualise yourself doing this and achieving your aim with ease. Have fun with this. (What can help also is recalling all the positive qualities you have – if you’re not sure what your positive qualities are ask your friends. Keep recalling your positive qualities and your greatest achievements until you feel really good about yourself. Whenever you find yourself doing negative self-talk, recall as many of your positive qualities as you can – and see how you feel. Notice the impact you are making on other people – without needing to tell them how wonderful you are. They will naturally start viewing you in a positive light.)

STEP 3 Seek out opportunities to put this into practice in a small way. You may want to try your idea out on low impact areas. Let go of any ideas of being successful – THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  Notice what works. Build on your success – this will build confidence and belief in yourself. The start moving towards your real goals and objectives.

STEP 4 If you fail – give yourself a BIG REWARD for failing. It takes a lot of courage to fail. And get back in the saddle as soon as you can. (Failing btw did not stop Abraham Lincoln from becoming one of the greatest presidents of the USA.) If you succeed, reward yourself too and then find other ways of stretching and putting your new skills into practice.

False Expectations Appearing Real

In most cases the fear that we feel is not relevant to the current situation. It is a habitual response to a past event – but even though the situation is never quite the same – we believe that that terrible experience is going to happen again – and we will do anything to protect ourselves from it.

So it is important to remember that the fear response however strong it may be, may not be as real as we imagine. in most cases it the the acronym of F E A R –  false expectations appearing real. It is an old script which is quite frankly out of date.

Moving Towards Fear

So the way to go with fear is towards it. Going towards fear is at first terrifying, but as everyone who knows who has bungee jumped or sky dived, going through your fear threshold can be enormously exhilarating. And traveling through that barrier for something that calls to you at the deepest level, is hugely fulfilling and facilitates the emergence of a totally new self. The old skin falls away effortlessly, along with the limitations that went with it. Life can never be quite the same again.

Smily face wearing a hat

So long as I do this gently, as a midwife would in helping a real baby come into the world, then the birthing of my new self will happen with ease

So there is an aspect of fear that is purely pleasurable – as so many people discover when they come to my workshops and groups. In doing something you never thought you could, like performing in front of other people, overcoming your fear of exposure and looking foolish and instead you actually find you are enjoying yourself!

In fact you’re not even worrying what your doing or how it looks to other people  – because something else has taken over inside you so it is hard to know afterwards what you have done. You just feel the exhilaration of  liberating yourself,  with almost no memory of quite what has happened – you just know you feel very good. Over time this sends very positive messages to the fear response. And gradually that fear response will simply dissolve – to be replaced with an eagerness to repeat the experience again – in the same way as children queue up to ride the roller-coaster!

If you want to read more about how this works in practice – see an article written by Catherine who courageously faced her fears when she joined one of my groups – and what she achieved as a result – fulfilling a life ambition to make a film. Seeing people transforming their creative yearnings into reality is immensely rewarding for me – far more rewarding than my abortive acting career!

© Claire Schrader 2012

Want to feel the fear and do it anyway?
If this article has intrigued you, inspired you or if you have any questions, or there’s something you’d like to share please do leave a comment. Your comments may inspire others.
Or you may like to join one of my upcoming confidence courses to help you gently move through the fear barriers  and will help you overcome the obstacles to living a life without fear.

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