How to overcome shyness, self-consciousness or anxiety

Had enough of being too shy?

Perhaps you were shy as a child and you never got over it?

Perhaps you are an introvert and you are by nature a quieter kind of person?

Or perhaps you have gradually become shyer over time. This can happen in your teenage years or any time in adulthood.

You are not alone

I spent the first part of my life being too shy. I was acutely self-conscious and felt as if I was trapped in a box. I was always on the sidelines, watching other people participating and enjoying themselves.

I desperately wanted to get out of that box and join them. But I didn’t know how.

In 2019 the Times published the finding of a YOU.gov survey on its front page – in which 50% of Britons admit to some level of shyness.

Suddenly the taboo of shyness was out in the open.

See the Times article – you will need a subscription to view. But see this clipping of the article

Understanding Shyness

Shyness is learned or adapted behaviour, and therefore, can be unlearned.

It is most commonly the result of painful experiences that have caused you to shut down and to retreat into your shell.

Many introverts become shy, like me, because of the social pressures that are put on them by other people – to be more social, more outgoing, more of a team player.  If you are not able to play the social game, you are simply ignored or excluded. If you’ve had enough of these experiences, you very quickly become shy.

Overcoming shyness is not going to happen overnight and needs determination and commitment to unlearn that behaviour. But it can be achieved much quicker and easier than you would think. Certainly a lot quicker than most other methods that don’t do anything to dissolve your shyness. I did it and the last thing that people think I am now is too shy.

TOO SHY Greatest Fear = Greatest Freedom

This is how I did it – and how you can overcome shyness, self-consciousness and anxiety (including social anxiety).

Something inside me told me drama was the way, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do – to perform in front of other people, to expose myself, to make a fool of myself.

But I was to discover that my greatest fear was the passage to my greatest freedom.  Drama set me free and set me on a life course that I had never dreamed I would follow.

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?

Much to my surprise, it was much easier than I thought it was going to be. Drama requires stepping into the shoes of another character. It felt very strange at first, but the more I was able to imagine I was the other character, the easier it was.

I wasn’t “being me”, the too shy girl, I had become someone else.

This was also something I had learned how to do as a child – to play pretend games. I had never left me. (This is the same for you too even if you never played as a child as it is one of the developmental stages of childhood.)

As the character, I started doing saying things that the Too Shy Claire would never say and do – and it was fun. I even felt a little bit naughty getting away with doing and saying these things. And even more extraordinary, I was applauded for doing this. 

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?
A Making Moves participant discovering the freedom to express herself

Applause is very powerful because it sends messages into the brain and into the unconscious that what you are doing is “good”.

My shyness simply disappeared. And so can yours.

Watch this video and learn how I overcame my shyness and how I’ve helped hundreds of shy people put an end to this excruciating experience.

The Right Conditions

But before any of this can happen, the conditions have to be right. This is especially the case if you are too shy or experience high levels of anxiety.

This is what is so different about the Sunflower Effect and the courses I run.

The first and most important condition is safety – a safe place in which to have permission to make mistakes and to make a bit of a fool of yourself and where no-one’s going to laugh at you because you’re behaving differently. When you start, you’re going to feel pretty awkward and self-conscious.

The most important part of this is the emotional safety that isn’t present in many drama classes. The block to most shy people’s expression is not just fear of what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. It is the inner observer watching what you do, censuring everything you say, always trying to control, suppress and constrain your behaviour.

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?
Having a safe place to overcome self-consciousness is what makes the difference

If you join the Breakthrough course, my core courses for overcoming shyness, you will have a safe place with other people who feel in the same boat as you, who understand what it feels like to be too shy. This is what makes the difference.

You will have an opportunity to participate in a series of powerful transformational exercises based in an adapted form of drama which are specifically designed for quieter people. These will get right to the root of the cause of the problem and enable you to develop a natural self-confidence – which will soon become second nature to you.

See Do I need any drama experience? 


How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?
I recommend the Breakthrough Group, which is specifically designed for shy, self-conscious and anxious people. It’s a safe environment in which you can gradually come out of your shell and experiment with new behaviours.

Many people have come into this course absolutely frozen with fear, and by the end of the course have completely put shyness behind them. They find themselves participating just the same in the group as everyone else – no longer the “wallflower on the dance floor”.

Just Amazing!
“That overwhelming feeling of being fed up of being the quiet one and not being able to express myself and almost feeling like a fraud when I’m shy with people I don’t know well. Is why I began my journey with Claire. It now feels like I’m constantly stretching my confidence like you would do if you were overweight and needed to go to the gym. Week by week I started to see progress. Stretching out of my comfort zone, losing excess worries and self-doubt on the way like layers of clothes. I’m so grateful for Claire, and also the people that attend you really do realise that you’re not in this alone others are going through similar experiences and we will overcome it together. Thank you, Claire, you have literally changed my life.”
Vanessa, November 2017 Verified review from Find courses 

I also offer a 100% money-back guarantee if you don’t get anything out of the course. If you are extremely shy or anxious, your shyness is there for a good reason – and it’s not going to shift overnight, and you’ll probably need at least two courses before you’ll start seeing significant changes. This is important. Sustained change over a period of time is what leads to long-lasting and, in time, permanent change.

Many people also supplement the course with some individual sessions (particularly if you have a high level of self-c0nsciousness that is preventing you from shifting in the way you would like). Sometimes only one session is needed.  Dissolving the psychological blocks to your shyness is what is going to make the difference, and this deeper work is.

It takes courage and commitment to overcome the discomfort, but that is what is needed – and with the support of other people all rooting for you.

In my book From Wallflower to Sunflower, I explain in more depth as to how  and why the Sunflower Effect is so effective at breaking the old patterns of being too shy. And many people like to start with the book before booking onto one of my courses.

More about the Breakthrough Group

Set up a time to speak to me

If you’re not sure if Breakthrough is right for you, you can set up a time to speak to me, (it’s free) so I can get more of a sense of what is going to be the best course for you.

Book a telephone consultation with Claire


Join an Introductory Evening

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?
Another good way to start
is to come to an Introductory Evening.

This will give you a taste of what to expect if you join the Breakthrough Group. Many people do this and are surprised what they are able to achieve in a short session – and just how supportive other people are.

More about the Introductory Evening 

Or, Book an Individual Session

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?

For some people coming into a group is too big a step in which case a series of individual sessions will help to prepare you. Basically, the more of this kind of work you do, the quicker you will learn new skills and banish the old habit of being too shy.

More about how Individual Sessions work 

Can’t do any of these things?

If you can’t yet do either of these things, you may want to ask yourself – what is your shyness or your lack of confidence costing you?

Are you getting in your own way?

Do you need more information?

Want to know what the other people are like? Or curious about how I banished shyness forever. Or have another question?

You will find a lot of information in my Confidence Resources 

But I do suggest you do something?

This could be signing up for my newsletter

How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?

You’ll hear about when my courses are next being offered and will also receive three free chapters from my book: From Wallflower to Sunflower (£14.99)

In these chapters, you’ll discover:

  • Why you’re not alone, and why more people are identifying themselves as wallflowers
  • The biggest mistake that wallflowers make when they’re trying to build confidence.
  • Discover the magic power to break old habits and create new patterns of confident behaviour you’ve had the whole time – but you didn’t know it.

You’ll also receive regular free resources, tips and support for your journey to greater confidence.

Subscribe now to receive your free chapters emailed straight to your inbox, and join a community of people like you, who are ready to change their lives.

Subscribe to receive your free chapters 

Or, as suggested, buy the book: From Wallflower to Sunflower

Reading the book will enable you to get more out of the Breakthrough Group because you will understand more about how the Sunflower Effect works.

More information about the book.

Buy the Book 

Or you may like to email me and tell me a little bit about yourself and what you are struggling with?

I look forward to supporting you on your journey out of shyness. It will make an enormous difference to your life, and save you years of pain and disappointment.

Claire Schrader
How to overcome being too shy, self-consciousness or anxious?